Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
