I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
