words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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