Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
