I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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