meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
