Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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