So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
