he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
