No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
