I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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