the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
