I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
