Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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