So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
