I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
