Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
