I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
