You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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