I just saw a hot homeless man
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
