just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
