I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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