Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
