i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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