listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
