We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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