I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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