Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
