I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
