it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
