Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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