Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
