you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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