Dual....:-)
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
