Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
