And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
