; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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