No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
