Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
