You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
