Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
