Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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