I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
