I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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