She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
