I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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