i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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