Do vagina's smell?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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