WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
