Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
