So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
