R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
