So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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